"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly."
I read a story about struggle and how when we enable the one's we love we cheat them out of the pain they need to give them strength. This made me sad. Made me sad I hadn't understood it like this earlier.
Tonight, I just want to hug Simon from behind and kiss his shoulder blade's a million little butterfly kisses. I want him to know I'm not mad and that I'm here for him if he needs me. He's been EXTRA distance since he was caught in this crazy nonsense lie on Valentines Day. He was concerned about my jealousy of another girl, to the point that he had called to tell me that she was his cousin and continued to let me know I had embarrassed his entire family with incest jokes. She wasn't his cousin, I knew that, but I wasn't about to let him get away with a lie like that. He can't possible think it's okay to lie. So I apologized to his "cousin" for my jealousy and the issues I caused in his family. Haha. I also apologized to his Mom for any embarrassment my "accusation of incest" might of caused her and his family. (She know's just about everything Simon say to me and she know's about his drinking and we are on the same page.) It almost felt like I was causing drama, because I knew it was all fake, but really it was Simon's words, I was just passing it on.
I wasn't even mad at him that night when he was yelling at me for the "Mess I started spreading rumors about family incest." All I did was ask him who she was...... The fact that he made up this elaborate story to cover something up, it just confirmed my feelings on his drinking and trustworthiness.
Problem is... when i'm not mad, I want to help him. I don't want to hold him accountable for anything he does. I always forgive, and forgive again. I want him to know i'm there for him and I won't get mad, however this makes me weak.
So... The story I read about a butterfly that changed all this. Now i'm not going to steal the credits of this author who is "unknown", but it's call "The Butterfly" and here it goes.
I read a story about struggle and how when we enable the one's we love we cheat them out of the pain they need to give them strength. This made me sad. Made me sad I hadn't understood it like this earlier.
Tonight, I just want to hug Simon from behind and kiss his shoulder blade's a million little butterfly kisses. I want him to know I'm not mad and that I'm here for him if he needs me. He's been EXTRA distance since he was caught in this crazy nonsense lie on Valentines Day. He was concerned about my jealousy of another girl, to the point that he had called to tell me that she was his cousin and continued to let me know I had embarrassed his entire family with incest jokes. She wasn't his cousin, I knew that, but I wasn't about to let him get away with a lie like that. He can't possible think it's okay to lie. So I apologized to his "cousin" for my jealousy and the issues I caused in his family. Haha. I also apologized to his Mom for any embarrassment my "accusation of incest" might of caused her and his family. (She know's just about everything Simon say to me and she know's about his drinking and we are on the same page.) It almost felt like I was causing drama, because I knew it was all fake, but really it was Simon's words, I was just passing it on.
I wasn't even mad at him that night when he was yelling at me for the "Mess I started spreading rumors about family incest." All I did was ask him who she was...... The fact that he made up this elaborate story to cover something up, it just confirmed my feelings on his drinking and trustworthiness.
Problem is... when i'm not mad, I want to help him. I don't want to hold him accountable for anything he does. I always forgive, and forgive again. I want him to know i'm there for him and I won't get mad, however this makes me weak.
So... The story I read about a butterfly that changed all this. Now i'm not going to steal the credits of this author who is "unknown", but it's call "The Butterfly" and here it goes.
The story begins with a man who came across a butterfly's cocoon. Fascinated, he stopped and watched as the butterfly struggled to free itself. After several hours, it appeared that the butterfly was stuck and unable to continue. Distressed by what he saw the man decided to help. He took a pair of scissors and snipped away at the coc oon, and the butterfly emerged effortlessly.
But the butterfly's body was swollen and small, its wings were shriveled. The man waited, expecting the wings to lift into the air. This did not happen. Unknown to the man, his act of kindness had interrupted the butterfly's natural struggle, which forces the fluids from the body into the wings preparing the butterfly for flight. The man's good intentions crippled the butterfly.
That is enabling, and in the end I realized that trying to be so "loving" i was just making Simon sicker. I swear this time I will use my knowledge and be stronger and less forgiving. They say, "Tough love is tough on everyone." but it is necessary.
I don't want to get in the way of his healing. If I love him, I'll have to be strong.
I don't want to get in the way of his healing. If I love him, I'll have to be strong.